M Hey, Rant Line™, what's going on? I was at the animal rights show at Casa del Popolo a few Fridays ago and it fucking rocked. I heard they raised a grand or something for the cause. I just wanted to say kudos to the organizers and a big thumbs up to all the bands who played - especially the Cabaret Band and the Real Deal. Man, those guys fucking own. It's skate punk at its finest, just so powerful. Not a dead second. Oh, and these girls were MAKING OUT in the mosh pit during their set - I mean, what more can you ask for? [BLEEP!]

M I'll tell you what's wrong with the Montreal music scene. At the best concert of the year so far, K-OS at the Spectrum, the Montreal fans dropped the dude when he was crowd surfing. They fucking dropped him! If you wanna know what's right about the Montreal music scene, you got March 26, the IWS at the Medley, as well as February 25 at the Dome. Come check that out. [BLEEP!]

M (heavy scratching and recorded voice) "W. Suspense beyond words. Who is W? What is W? Where - where - where is W?" (normal rapping voice) WKNN is some kind of an enigma of an introspective thinker/Sometimes drinker/Ill-rhymed spitter/Proficient mic handler/Equipped with the verbal stamina/to damage ya/What's the cause when my brain's on pause?/Spliff wizards got flaws/More dogs in town with paws/Chillin' with greasy claws/I'm out for a higher cause/And it's plausible that I'm in the middle of this hip hop game like white in an Oreo/Truest Canadian up north on a Ski-doo/You see it's kind of cold out/I gotta flow and go down south/And drink a Guinness Stout or two/Cuz I like a brew/Peace out/Respect due. Big shout out to Scott C, Andy Williams and DJ Statik. Cool hands, total music, WKNN 2005. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the shithead whining about the lack of squeegee punks in the winter. The only reason you see more of us in the summer is because it's all the fucking little TWINKIE KIDS who think it's fun to run away and be homeless. All of us who really need to be doing it, we're out in the fucking winter. You should look around a bit more and find the corners where people actually WORK. [BLEEP!]

M Last week's Rant Line™ was BEYOND STUPID. To the stupid, stupid, stupid female who ranted to all the butt-ugly bald guys out there, saying it's over, listen up, bitch. Baldness is not something men can control! Trust me, if we could, we would not be bald. As for telling us to grow up and grow some hair, I'd love to, baby, I really would. I'm 23 and I'm going bald. But I'm not an old dick - I'd fuck you better than most of the people in Montreal. [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who said that bald-headed men are butt ugly and that we have HAIR ON OUR BACKS - that is not true! I feel that this girl is a lonely, fat, ugly chick who stays home on the weekend. Also, she must do her father. And, by the way, Cher is really a man in drag. So there. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is Sesame Street Phil in response to the girl who said that LINGERING STARES were bothering her in the metro. Eye contact is one of the best things about Montreal and maybe, if you looked at a person for longer than two or three seconds, you might learn something about yourself, let alone somebody else, God forbid. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M I think I might be the one who some people are talking about. Really, I don't stare at anybody unless they stare at me first. I'm a very big guy, six feet tall, and I often have puffy eyes because I suffer from SLEEP APNEA. I happen to be an American political dissident and I've had threats. So if I seem nervous, that's the reason. I would ask that you not judge somebody by how they look but by what they say and do. If you talk to me you'll find I am a decent guy. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this one is for all my white and Asian friends. Please, guys, stop introducing me to all your black friends. Just because I'm black doesn't mean I want to meet them. That's all I want to say. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F I'm sorry, this is for MISTY THE SIX-FOOT STRIPPER BITCH. You are a lying, fucking ho. You did not send my sister to no hospital! She was fine!! You're over-dramatizing the shit to make yourself look, I don't know, scary. But it's all bullshit and I just had to let the people know. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F If you find a pubic hair in your fish sticks, you must write a letter to the specific company. That's what you must do. Don't call the Rant Line™ - write a letter. Put a stamp on it and send it. They will send you a boring letter, plus COUPONS. And if you buy more fish sticks, and you find more pubes, take pictures of them. That's it. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum