Dear Diane,
As John Waters said in an interview last year on ArtNet.com (read it in its entirety here: www.artnet.com/Magazine/features/honigman/honigman1-12-04.asp), "I am not gayly correct. I have trouble with a culture only based on one thing. Gay is a good start but it is not enough."
I guess it's pretty clear that just as Mr. Waters is not gayly correct, I am not poly correct. I appreciate its existence. That doesn't mean I am thrilled with its reality. And yes, my trouble dwells, but doesn't end, in the term poly because people who use it do so as an alternative to one like, say, swinging, implying in some way that the community has evolved and is more accessible. Has it, and is it? Maybe, but I challenge you to find any promotion for poly/bisexual events that doesn't use the same insipid erotic imagery, or any event that doesn't play the same tired music to ignite desire, with hopefuls wearing the same pooped-out fetish gear. Though many poly people obviously have interests outside of their sexual lifestyle, I have yet to see them manifest in the kind of variety that blows my mind.
Outside of those gorgeous moments of sheer abandon (Thanks vodka! Thanks ecstasy!), there are certain cultural references that I consider facilitators of sexual intrigue. I won't go into them here lest I come off like an overstrained Nerve personal, but suffice it to say, my interests put me at odds with the majority of self-identified polyamourous people I meet. Put more bluntly, if I'm to go to the trouble of fucking someone - and subsequently contracting a frothing vaginal itch from no matter what barrier protection we use - they will have a much easier time with my zippers, buttons and hooks if they don't think that music began and ended with Nine Inch Nails. Yes, I too would like to fuck you like an animal, but can we maybe do it to Interpol?
And Diane, dude, I am not alone. Time and again, I have conversations with interesting, potentially poly people who are loathe to attend poly or bisexual-themed events - even chiding me for recommending them without warnings - for similar reasons. Why? Because the poly community suffers from the same syndrome that most cloistered yet stalwart communities do. They are - pun most definitely intended - stuck in a rut. Any dykes out there remember when women's events suffered the same atmosphere problems? And, to that effect, how's everyone enjoying the never-ending burlesque revival?
The only thing I seem to share in common with most, if not all, of the poly people I meet (other than, story of my life, the faggots) is that we don't want to be in monogamous relationships. Let's face it though: nearly everybody in the world would be fucking more than one person, some in plain view of the public, if they could. I am well aware that living as a sexual outlaw can be difficult, and finding community is important, and the hidden and fascinating history of your sexual lifestyle can be a hot topic of conversation. But I do think many poly people have got to get their heads out of each others asses and start clueing in to other independent cultures and events outside of their own. I recommend the same for all renegade DIY communities.
Presenting any sexually alternative community in a bad light is never my desire, but damn, poly people, do some of you ever need a Queer Eye for the Ethically Slutty Guy. And I certainly didn't say poly people don't have honour and integrity. That I'll get into another time.
