by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

Francine Lamarre dropped the N-bomb and now she's going to pay three grand to her arch-enemies for the mistake.

Last month, Quebec's Human Rights Tribunal ordered her to pony up for mouthing the ultimate racist insult in an outburst against her upstairs neighbours.

Think of the fine as a tax on her inept insulting skills.

Racist, sexist and ageist putdowns and acts of discrimination are policed in Quebec - at the cost of $13-million a year - by the Human Rights Commission, which receives about 800 complaints and chooses about 40 to bring to the Human Rights Tribunal, a court that forces "convicted" transgressors to pay up for discriminating based on gender, ethnicity or age, stuff covered in Section 10 of the Charter of Rights.

Lamarre had excuses. She was on medication when she said the regretted words; she was overwhelmed and unprepared by the hearings, conducted largely in English; she was frustrated by her belligerent tenants, whom she claims used to reply to her efforts to collect rent with a "Fuck you." "It was a perpetual quarrel," she says, complaining that the noisy boy upstairs would wake at 7 a.m. and "run around like a chicken with his head cut off." All these couldn't rationalize saying the word-that-must-never-be-uttered. She must pay.

Last year a good number of the cases the Commission brought before judges took aim at landlords on behalf of apartment seekers. If a landlord is stupid enough to be outspoken - for example, saying out loud in front of the applicant and a witness that he doesn't want a family or young adults - he'll be a few thousand dollars lighter.

But sometimes a landlord gets sued even when he doesn't say anything discriminatory. Last year one of the 20 tribunal decisions involved an Arab refused an apartment in Brossard. The commission sought $9,000 from the landlord, who never said a prejudicial word. He simply rented to someone else.

The plaintiff wound up getting nothing, but Commission rep Robert Sylvestre says cases of perceived discrimination have ended up in fines for landlords. And yet in this new rental world, landlords often choose randomly between a heap of candidates, undoubtedly leading to a lot of hurt feelings and suspicions of discrimination.

You know that I'm waiting for the day the Commission fines a would-be tenant for turning his nose up at an apartment when seeing it's owned by an immigrant landlord. Alas, the Commission's last annual report includes a tribute to the rabidly anti-landlord social group FRAPRU on its site, so it gives you an idea of the chances of that happening.

Of course, discrimination and prejudice are all around, and only an infinitesimally tiny sliver of the total number of racist utterances will ever get in front of a Tribunal judge.

So how much can you score for having your pristine dignity assailed? Last year Martin Sacksner got $2,500 from a woman who sent him crazy anti-Semitic mail. A Sorel car dealership guy had to pay up $1,000 after describing somebody as a "fifi" behind his back. Jacqueline Drouin-Pelletier had to dole out $2,000 to Farroudja Yekene for dishing out the "what's-that-towel-on-your-head" style banter at a garage sale in Sherbrooke three years earlier.

So if you feel like shooting your mouth off, don't. Ask yourself - as always - "What would Steve McQueen do?" Stay cool. Say nothing. Show no expression. Just walk back to your '68 Mustang and drive away.

But if you've got the Tourettian impulse, where you really can't keep your mouth shut or resist a trashtalking duel, be aware of the line. Never insult somebody in front of witnesses because you'll have to find and kill them afterwards (don't sue, I'm kidding!). Stay creative. Choose your words. Extreme-condescension and derision, or terms like "pickle-nosed airhead" or "vegan waffle eater" or some other such meaningless but cryptic-sounding slurs, can be devastating.

Your quarrel buddy could still technically hit you with a civil harassment suit, but the Commission won't be there at his side helping him out.

Comments? kgravy@openface.ca