Quote of the week:

"I'll be there this year, I'll be there forever." - the scab Bonhomme Carnaval, to a Quebec City crowd last week. Last month's unionization of the 20-person Bonhomme team led to a strike over working conditions. The Quebec Carnaval begins Jan. 28

Tsunami aid

There's no shortage of creative ways to donate to tsunami relief operations for big-hearted Montrealers. Here's just a sampling.

Until Jan. 22, local second-hand computer store Ultrasoft Innovations will be holding a sale on all kinds of products, with all proceeds going to Oxfam. It's at 6390 Sherbrooke W. Call 487-9293 or visit www.1-800-notebook.com for more info.

The local music scene is getting in on the relief act. On Thursday, Jan. 13, Bourbon Street West in Pointe-Claire (1866 Sources, 695-6545, $20, 5 p.m.) is holding a "Blues for Asia" benefit concert, to be broadcast live on CHOM, featuring Bob Walsh, Nanette Workman and others. Red Cross gets the money.

On Jan. 28, Belfast Andi will host "Celtaid" at the NDG Legion (5455 de Maisonneuve W., $10, 8 p.m.), with money going to the Red Cross as well. Andi will also donate $2 per CD sold.

QPIRG-McGill will be hosting a benefit soirée on Sunday, Jan. 30 at the Divan Orange (4234 St-Laurent), featuring live hip hop by Nomadic Massive, acoustic folk 'n' blues by Caro & Rhea, and sets by DJs Scott C, Kobal, Moonstarr and Tashish, with more to be confirmed. Tix are $5 to $25, on a sliding scale. All proceeds go to progressive grassroots organizations in the affected countries, determined after presstime.

And from Thursday to Saturday, Chi-Lien Ly, co-owner of the upscale Asian fusion restaurant Miso (corner Atwater and Ste-Catherine) will donate 25 per cent of sales to the Red Cross. Call 908-6476 for reservations. » Patrick Lejtenyi

Workers for Wal-Mart

Every year a bunch of Canadian companies of the 300-plus employee variety get their workers to fill out questionnaires that are then analyzed by Hewitt Associates, a human resources outsourcing and consulting firm that ranks the country's 50 best employers. Embarrassingly few Quebec employers (eight this year, four last) make the list, but the Wal-Mart chain has fared surprisingly well considering its oft-maligned reputation. This year's Best Employer rankings declare Wal-Mart the best retailer, and eighth best overall (up from 14 last year), to punch your timecard.

However, Marie-Josée Lemieux, the union rep trying to organize Quebec Wal-Mart employees to join the United Food and Commercial Workers Local 503, questions the methodology. "The way the survey is done is that employers choose which employees will fill out the questionnaire," she says. "They choose the individuals who will give the best replies. I'm not sure if people did it freely in their living rooms it'd have the same results."

Kevin Groh, Wal-Mart's manager of corporate communications, denies this. "The study has a mechanism to make sure answers come from every level of the businesses," he says. "One of the impressive elements of the study is that it compares responses from the executive level and the associate level, and tries to see how closely the feelings of management mirror the entire workforce." » Kristian Gravenor

Klein draws big yawn

Gay activists in Montreal will be greeting visiting Alberta Premier Ralph Klein with little more than an apathetic shrug this Friday, Jan. 14. Klein, who will be addressing the Montreal Board of Trade to discuss Senate reform and his well-publicized opposition to gay marriage, doesn't merit the community's attention, according to Michael Hendricks. The long-time gay rights and gay marriage advocate hopes the entire event will pass "like a wet fart."

"By responding to him, we'd be giving him credibility," he says.

Since last month's Supreme Court decision to allow gay marriage, Hendricks says, "Certain characters on the right have been vying for attention on this issue, and Ralphie has been the most ridiculous." Six provinces and one territory already allow gay marriage, but Alberta has been among its loudest opponents.

"When we saw what he was doing [calling for a nationwide referendum on the issue], it seemed like such a desperate plea that we wrote him off right away," says Hendricks. » Patrick Lejtenyi

Scat attack

Montrealshows.com, this city's favourite online indie music/gossip centre, was subjected to a show-stopping shit tornado on Jan. 7, when a group of crapulent hackers logged onto the site. Literally.

The miscreants flooded each of the dozens of threads - in which posters discussed music, sex, hangovers, the Arcade Fire, politics and each other - with a torrent of scatological porn jpegs depicting a nude woman eating faeces and being defecated upon.

Seeing brown, moderators flushed the forum and changed its structure. Montrealshows.com has returned to an earlier incarnation as a resource-only centre, while the board it once pointed to, www.20hz.ca/boards/viewforum.php?f=41, remains active, but empty of all pre-attack posts. Sadly, these included keepsakes such as anecdotes celebrating the life of late local musician Alex Soria.

"It's like having your hard drive deleted," says one moderator, Nathan Bernier. "But this wasn't meant as a way to punish, it was just the easiest way to deal with it at the time." » Matthew Woodley

REAR-VIEW MIRROR

10 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK
Jan. 12–Jan. 19, 1995

On the cover: Jennifer Saunders (Edina) and Joanna Lumley (Patsy) as the girls from Absolutely Fabulous. Neither are interviewed, although Lynn Suderman writes about the show's slow uptake Stateside, while Patricia Bush writes about AbFab-inspired fashion accessories.

• A Mirror editorial blasts the NHL and its striking players. Greed, thuggery, expansion and defensive emphasis have made the game unwatchable, it laments.

• The first-ever Mix 96/Mirror Sex Survey asks readers 50 questions about their sex lives, including frequency of intercourse, safety, oral sex, anal sex, S&M, orgasms and fidelity, among other things.

• Kim, a former female prisoner, discusses sex in prison with sex reporter Sasha van Setten. "Aquafresh [toothpaste] pumps were a very popular item at the canteen and one girl in my sector got some nasty infection from a banana."

• "Tests show that sniffing paper bills, especially large denominations, increases your work productivity," Real Astrology tells Capricorns.

Angel >> Spoonman strikes back Spoonman, the crotchety French musician outside downtown Ogilvy's (and the Mirror's third Best Montreal Weirdo of 2004), has decided to beat bureaucrats at their own game. In December, the city changed its busker bylaw, which banned the playing of percussion instruments, to include the previously exempt spoons. The city said it was forced to act due to numerous complaints by annoyed shoppers. In response, Spoonman - aka Cyrille Estève, 52 - has switched to castanets, vowing to equal the city in absurd behaviour. So far, the city's winning: banning spoon-playing, with its long and rich history in Quebec, does take absurdity to dizzying new heights.
Insect >> White-collar justice All that's left of the reputations of former Ville St-Laurent councillors Irving Grundman and René Dussault is yet another sad sack story of crooked politicians getting their come-uppance. Last Monday, Grundman, 76, was fined $50,000 and sentenced to 23 months incarceration, served at home; Dussault got a $25,000 fine and 23 months, also served at home. Arrested in 2002, the pair pleaded guilty in September to accepting a $75,000 bribe. The sentence has the public, never that trusting of politicians to begin with, wondering how seriously white-collar crime is being taken by the courts.