by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Alain Dion

Age: 33

Occupation: Entrepreneur

Bio: Next time somebody gets murdered or decides to blow their head off at your digs, this South Shore resident is the man you'll soon want to call. A father of four and the owner of a very successful vacuum cleaner biz, in 1996 Alain felt the need to widen his horizons somewhat by launching Sanitas, a "disinfection company" that will do such a bang-up job of picking up the leftover bits of bone, guts and coagulated blood scattered around your place you'll soon forget said murder victim or suicide case ever even existed. Likewise, should this be the holiday season when you decide to finally take that fatal plunge you keep putting off, please be considerate and leave Alain's contact number at the end of your suicide note (888-679-8977). Your loved ones will be much less upset knowing there are solid professionals out there to clean up your mess and neutralize your stench. He listens to Mix 96.

Which sites are more fun to clean up, murders or suicides? "It's about the same, but murder sites usually take longer. The police always make such a mess."

Has he ever arrived at a site so gross that he's refused to work on it? Never. "But I've seen some really bad odour cases. You have to go in with an oxygen mask. Sometimes you'll need to breathe through this mask for six or seven hours. But you have no choice, if you take it off you'll start puking, and then you won't get anything done."

How he determines if he'll need an oxygen mask or not: "We can usually tell by the flies. And maggots too. If the body's been lying around for a while, you can literally see the bacteria - these little worms - climbing up the wall. And it's the bacteria that causes the smell."

Why it's never a good thing to look out your window to discover the Sanitas truck at your house: Because it either means you're dead or are a total slob. "I get a lot of calls where the fire department has determined someone's apartment is a fire hazard. I've found people living in unbelievably unsanitary conditions, with dead cats lying around their apartments and stuff like that. Most of these people are schizophrenics - but not all of them."

Does he ever feel bad energy on a site, maybe even get a little spooked? "Not spooked exactly but there is a lot of movement in death. I believe this work has, in fact, brought me to a higher level of consciousness. The universe has given me the information I need for what I'm doing."

Current ambition: "To have less ambition."

Last book read: Moby Dick, by Herman Melville.

Words of wisdom: "Treat people as you would like to be treated and love your children as much as possible - for they are your future."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca