Dear Sasha: I think it's safe to say that many a porn star's anal regions are pretty and pink due to bleaching rather than some sort of natural perfection. Being one who obsesses a bit over perfection and porn, I was wondering if there is any safe and effective way of transforming my cute, clean, but still regular girl bum into one deserving of star status? » Almost Rosebud

Dear Almost,
Actually, many reliable sources put anal bleaching at an urban legend, but I'm still not convinced. Just because the ingredients (hydroquinone for one) used in most skin-lightening agents are the same toxic ones that made women of colour sick for so many years, doesn't mean there isn't an underground asshole-lightening community.

Organ failure and/or a painful death never stopped anyone from trying to gentrify their appearance, but it also doesn't mean that most porn stars come by this look by bleaching.

A source in the industry says that make-up is applied to the entire body, including the ass, and many people simply have a less pigmented ass area than others.

I would leave mine alone if I were you. You really don't want to fuck around with the health of your anus. It's one thing to end up shitting out of your side into a bag because of something like Crohn's disease, but out of sheer sheer vanity?

Dear Sasha: I've been with my girlfriend for two years now and we've been living together for a year and a half. I'm 31, she's 25. I'm sure you've had this question a million times before, but it's the first time that I'm in this situation.

My girlfriend has a low sex drive; we have sex about once or twice per week. I would like sex everyday or at least five times per week. I know her drive is low and she needs a lot of foreplay, which I really enjoy, so when I want to make love to her, I start slowly.

For example, when we are lying on the couch naked, watching TV, I will rub her legs, her back, her stomach, kiss her on the neck, her ears, then finally on her mouth or her erogenous zones. When it comes to the point to take it to the next level, she isn't too interested. She's happy with just lying there naked.

This is just an example of one of the instances where she steps back when things start to get hot. Is there anything I can do to increase her desire for sex? Or maybe I should decrease my desire? » Sexually Unsatisfied

Dear Sexually,
For some folks, it's just not dinner unless there's meat, is it? Think about the rest of your relationship. Other aspects of divergent taste are generally perfectly acceptable: food and diet choices, clothing preferences, art and film. But not sex, oh no, you have to be perfectly aligned on this issue because it's so inextricably linked to the ego.

And additionally, if you limit your measure of what constitutes sex to penetration, then you are indeed "only" having it once or twice a week. If you are going to be monogamous and expect the same of a partner with different tastes, you need to extend the notion of sex to not only the foreplay you offer your girlfriend (as incentive for penetration), but masturbation, flirting, watching porn or erotica together or separately, sharing verbal fantasies and so on.

Basically every time you touch your girlfriend, she knows where you ideally want things to go. A partner with a persistent agenda can be really off-putting, sometimes to the point of revulsion.

And then the real fun begins.

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