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Turning back the cock-rock clock

'80s cover band Fantasy sell out!

by RAF KATIGBAK

Known almost as much for their off-stage antics and voracious groupie appetite as for their ability to reduce a crowd of drunken froshes and corporate weekend warriors into a sweaty, lighter-waving mush, local '80s cover band Fantasy has always managed to put the "cock" into "cock rock" (bassist Ron Bronstein is purportedly "swinging some pipe").

Adored by their fans and reviled by their critics, not since Stryper has a band with such big hair been so close to heaven and hell. But when it comes to who's the hardest-working Finnish/Canadian '80s cover band ever, there's no debate.

Capping off a year-long tour that has taken certain members from the Caribbean to Alaska, this

Dec. 31, Fantasy will be turning the style clock back 20 years (or two years, for the fauxhawked fashion victims out there) as all the Madonna-philes and Kenny Loggins-ites converge at le Swimming. The Mirror recently caught up with Bronstein between extreme pilates sessions to discuss selling out, Nanaimo bars and "living the Fantasy."

Mirror: Your press kit features some interesting quotes. One in particular stood out - "Sony Music says, ‘It smells like feet in here.'"

Ron Bronstein: Well, that night we weren't sure who it was, 'cause none of us could smell it. We all did the feet check and it wasn't anybody's feet. It turns out it was [keyboardist] Wilhelm's leather pants. We quickly had them washed, along with my red crushed-velour tights - no small feat, mind you.

M: Speaking of tight leather, a couple of months ago, ex-Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil - whom you apparently helped pen "Kickstart My Heart" - allegedly bitchslapped a soundman in Dallas. I wonder if you have any '80s-style tales of violent outbursts, debauched cajolery or backstage chicanery?

RB: I don't think it's a secret that [percussionist] Tron goes crazy in the dressing room. He drinks Scotch and starts barking like a dog and doing Seinfeld impressions - it's really quite scary. If he gets real riled up, he jumps on the couch, crawls around the room and smushes Nanaimo bars in his hands and bites pens and breaks them - he's a pen biter. My only pair of socks got Nanaimo bar in 'em.

No, the other kind of Sting and Police

M: You've been doing a lot of private Christmas parties on your recent tour. Last week it was in Toronto - how did that go?

RB: Actually, not so hot. We were invited by a certain music label to perform at their party. For the sake of legal matters, I'm not allowed to say their name - let's just call them Schmuniversal Music. At first, we were flattered by the invitation. We thought, ‘Great! We're probably going to get signed and get laid.' We show up at the gig and then, bam! Cops and lawyers everywhere. Turns out it was a sting operation to try and bust us for copyright infringement.

M: What happened?

RB: Well, in true '80s-movie form, we used the power of rock to win their hearts, thanks in no small part to a little slice of musical perfection we like to call "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake.

M: So, should diehard fans take this as a sign of Fantasy selling out?

RB: Yeah, sure we're selling out - every frickin' seat, every frickin' time we play! Except at the bars that don't have seats, then it's sort of a standing kind of thing. The truth is, it's easier to get laid at corporate parties.

M: You've developed your live show a bit recently. Tell me about that.

RB: We've really worked on increasing the element of surprise. We like to just pull people out of the audience and have them do a song with us karaoke style, y'know, live the Fantasy. It's all about giving back to the people, which is really a magical moment for us because you never really know what kind of crap you're gonna get.

M: What else are you working on?

RB: We're working on some new originals, one called "Let's Hear It For the Boy" and another called "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone." Two songs that, I'm not ashamed to say, are gonna be huge hits.

M: Weren't they already huge hits?

RB: Yes, well… no comment.

At le Swimming's New Year's Eve party, Friday, Dec. 31, 10:30 p.m., $20