by CHRIS BARRY, MATTHEW HAYS, SARAH ROWLAND
and MARK SLUTSKY

The Aviator

All the best scenes in Scorsese's Howard Hughes biopic take place in the billionaire's favourite breastaurant club, the Coconut Grove, where today's biggest movie stars ham it up as yesterday's biggest movie stars. This is where the Houston-born heir (Leonardo DiCaprio) smoothly charms the garters off of naïve starlets, makes an ass out of himself in front of movie moguls and takes Katharine Hepburn (as played by Cate Blanchett, who comes on like gangbusters) on a first date, only to have Errol Flynn (Jude Law) crash their intimate table for two. All this excess and colour makes for a very entertaining visual extravaganza, successfully mirroring the glamorous studio era it portrays.

However, the movie - which covers the '20s–'40s, when the playboy pilot was trying to make a name for himself as a director and aviation pioneer - falls a little short when it comes to dealing with Hughes' obsessive compulsive disorder. Considering how debilitating his neurosis was - and Scorsese's record of going deeper into the psyches of nutjobs - the whole descent into complete madness thing could have played out a little darker than what seemed like just a few hand washes too many. As a result, instead of being creeped out by the long-clawed Hughes' incessant need to urinate in sterile milk bottles, I just found myself thinking, "Would someone please get the drill-bits tycoon a nail clipper." (SR) Opens Saturday, Dec. 25

Meet the Fockers

Even by the low expectations surrounding this sequel to Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers is pretty disappointing. Ben Stiller is again the beleaguered son-in-law, only this time, in addition to Robert De Niro's mugging as a former CIA operative and anal-retentive father-in-law, we're introduced to Stiller's folks, Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand. There was so much room to play with here, the screenwriters get a zero for sheer lack of imagination. Despite all its extensive shortcomings, there is undeniably something mesmerizing about watching De Niro, Hoffman and Streisand on-screen together. Pity about the lazy and laborious script. What a waste of a cast. (MH) Now Playing

The Sea Inside

Based on the true story of Ramón Sampedro, Alejandro Amenábar's euthanasia tearjerker about a quadriplegic who fought a 30-year campaign for his right to die with dignity is one of the most beautifully rendered Spanish films in recent history. This is largely due to Javier Bardem's uncompromising performance. Projecting extremes of emotional turmoil using only facial tics to aid his powerful dialogue, his depiction of a man imprisoned in his shrivelled body is more than Oscar-worthy.

In one particular scene, Ramón is left alone with his lawyer when she keels over with a stroke. The combination of Bardem's impotent shrieks and the terror in his eyes as he cries for help will cost you your first box of tissues. Then when Ramón must face dying alone and the otherwise beautiful brawn actor wakes up hysterically howling in the middle of the night, count that as box number two. The supporting cast is worth your third and final pack of disposable hankies, especially Celso Bugallo who plays Ramon's brutish older brother, José. When he lays into Ramón about wanting to take his own life after José's family has been a slave to his every need for years, his weathered face is really saying, "I love you. Please don't go." Yep, if you have any family issues you need to purge this holiday season, this is your movie and then some. (SR) Opens at Cinéma du Parc, Friday, Jan. 7

Darkness

An American family moves to Spain, specifically to a creepy country house, in this middling horror movie from Spanish director Jaume Balagueró. The trouble starts when daughter Regina (Anna Paquin) notices some strange behaviour on the part of her young brother, Paul (Stephan Enquist), who, in the tradition of every recent horror movie, starts prolifically producing scary drawings of murdered kids. Then dad (Iain Glen) starts to go kookoo, mom (Lena Olin) is in denial, there's these freaky dead children hanging around… you get the picture. Though Darkness has some potential, it never quite delivers, promising more chills than it follows through with. (MS) Opens Saturday, Dec. 25

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

It has all the makings of a success but, unfortunately, the first shot of Bill Murray's expansive girth distending out from his swimming trunks is the funniest thing about Wes Anderson's latest quirk-fest. Somehow the same mannered dry wit that worked so brilliantly in Bottle Rocket and Rushmore has the reverse effect on Murray's signature deadpan delivery. In fact, most of the SNL vet's lines are so dehydrated, they flatline.

The only scene with a pulse in this movie about Steve Zissou - a washed up celebrity deep-sea diver who makes docs that are basically commercials for his merchandising empire - is when Steve's marine lab cruiser is taken over by armed pirates and "Search & Destroy" blasts as Murray becomes a one-man rescue team in an action sequence.

That's not to say that Murray isn't great. With his droopy-jowls, sarcastic eyes and disarmingly charming pock marks, he's engaging enough without a lot of cluttered dialogue. And Anderson does a bang-up job of creating a water world of idiosyncratic characters and pleasantly, peculiar subplots in his most imaginative feature to date. It's just that the laugh-out-loud payoff in this follow-up to his magnificent, much superior The Royal Tenenbaums never comes. (SR) Opens Saturday, Dec. 25

Fat Albert

Forgive me: try as I might, I'm not strong enough to restrain myself from opening this review with: hey hey hey, it's a Fat Albert movie! And a live-action one to boot, co-scripted by F.A. creator Bill Cosby and starring Kenan Thompson of Saturday Night Live. In this dull, good-natured romp, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids accidentally escape from the TV and generally spread good cheer and sensible advice to the kids of North Philadelphia. Though the gang is amusingly cartoony (and boy do they ever look the part), Fat Albert is ultimately pretty dull, and Thompson has some trouble keeping up the distinctive voice. Still, largely inoffensive. (MS) Opens Saturday, Dec. 25

Sex is Comedy

Catherine Breillat's latest film revolves around an egocentric filmmaker (Anne Parillaud) trying to direct two hopelessly high-maintenance actors in a love scene, where an under-aged, fawn-like creature reluctantly gives up her virginity to a smooth-talkin' hustler. If it sounds like it could be something out of one Breillat's own controversial films, that's because the France-based neo-feminist is clearly trying to take the piss out of her work. The problem, though, even when she's making fun of herself, she can't resist bashing men with her over-educated pretentious rants designed to enlighten us. As a result, the performers come across as empty shells and Parillaud (a thinly disguised and somewhat more attractive Breillat) comes across as an all-knowing, masterful réalisateur. But then again this is one of her least affected efforts to date. You might even laugh once or twice. (SR) Opens at Cinéma du Parc, Friday, Dec. 31

Stage Beauty

England, the 1660s. The leading lady of the London stage is Edward "Ned" Kynaston (Billy Crudup), famed for his portrayal of Desdemona in Othello. However, when King Charles II (Rupert Everett) is persuaded by his mistress (Zoe Tapper) to allow real women to appear on stage, lo and behold, Kynaston's dresser (Claire Danes) becomes a star. A shoddily filmed Shakespeare in Love manqué, Stage Beauty is aimless and a little too hysterical for its own good. Plus Crudup, with his square jaw, does not a believably ravishing lady make. (MS) Opens Saturday, Dec. 25

White Noise

Michael "Mr. Mom" Keaton is mega-bummed about his pregnant wife's tragic demise, but finds hope when she starts contacting him via Electronic Voice Phenomona, a nifty trick some ghoulies use to keep in touch with the living by hijacking their television sets and pretending it's Poltergeist all over again. But some spooks are clearly nicer than others, and before long Keaton finds himself wrestling with some pretty nasty energy. While one might expect White Noise to be yet another cliché-ridden Ghost imitator, it's actually a better than average film, chock full of thrills and spills and surprises. (CB) Opens Friday, Jan. 7

Infernal Affairs

This Hong Kong-obsessed cop/drug lord face-off pits two opposing moles in a race to uncover the other one's true identity. Ming, a gangster, has worked his way up the police force ranks and Yan, a cop, has been undercover as top hitman for Sam, the pudgy-faced godfather, for nearly a decade. Both leads are good at conveying the strains of torn identities, but directors Andrew Lau and Alan Mak rely a little too heavily on sappy Karaoke-inspired flashbacks and wiseguy clichés, including the overweight bodyguard who's too busy stuffing his face when he's supposed to be on the look-out for pigs. However, there is one blazing, tension-filled scene that makes up for most of this predictable attempt at humour: Sam's men have pinpointed the rat but don't know it's Yan. Meanwhile, Yan's partners in crime tip him off and he must escape the building undetected and circle the block before returning to the shoot-out. Even though it's riddled with melodrama, this is still a high quality internal affairs suspense thriller. (SR) Opens at Cinéma du Parc, Friday, Dec. 24

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