by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

Montreal's masters of exquisitely refined pop perfection Stars have officially staked out Valentine's Day as their holiday, marked with an annual show. But the rich passion, romance and songcraft of their music, succinctly showcased on their latest album Set Yourself On Fire, holds up year 'round - Easter, Arbour Day, Halloween even, and certainly the year-end holiday stretch. Best part is, the maudlin Hallmark-card sentimentality of the season can be effectively countered with a few choice zingers from pithy lead singer Torquil Campbell.

Mirror: One hears a lot of chatter about the true meaning of Christmas. The holiday's origins precede Christianity, and that most of its elements - the tree, the mistletoe, the caroling, even the specific date - are deeply pagan. Thus I put it to you that heavy drinking, fucking and abject commercialism are in fact that true meaning. Any thoughts?

Torquil Campbell: This is a ridiculous notion to posit. Everyone, Jew and gentile alike, knows that holidays of any kind are designed specifically to remind you why you need your own apartment.

M: Various European traditions hold that the commander-in-chief of Christmas, St. Nick, has a sidekick, an enforcer to do his dirty work, known as Schwarze Peter, Krampus, Knecht Ruprecht and otherwise. The New World St. Nick, Santa Claus, has elves and reindeer, but no beta male to get his back. Who would you nominate for Santa's bad-cop sidekick?

TC: Every cop is a bad cop. I'm gonna nominate... Anne Murray.

M: Christmas, feh, whatever. But I still believe mad props are due to Lil' Baby Jesus, who went on to become the single most important philosopher of all mortal men, ever. A righteous dude, that Yeshua of Nazareth. If you could time-travel to when he was alive (because he's dead now and he ain't comin' back), what Christmas present would you give him?

TC: Judy Garland's greatest hits and a box set of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on DVD. Somebody would need to get him out of those kaftans and into some relaxed-fit jeans. I don't know, it seems like there's so much shit Jesus would need... maybe a gift certificate?

With Montag and String Quartet at la Sala Rossa on Friday, Dec. 17, 9 p.m., $15

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