by JOHNSON CUMMINS

There's a ton of shows on this week, so I'll go easy on the inane rambling and get straight to the goods on the gigs. Tonight, Dec. 9, you can rock out for a good cause at the Head & Hands benefit with Sexmas, the Nomadic Massive, Donkey Heart and DJs at the Main Hall. It's seven frog skins, or $6 with a perishable food donation. Elsewhere tonight, Simmer, Code Pie and Lisa Hoffman are at Café la Petite Gaule with all proceeds going to Dans la Rue. Show up and support Pops' worthy mission - it's getting cold out there. Tomorrow night, it's Colectivo and Kodiak at Cabaret le Tulipe. The door price is $10 and a toy, to be passed along to Sun Youth.

Also happening tonight is the duo Kickers and Pony Up at the Green Room. Pony Up are just back from a coast to coast tour with Ben Lee and are eager to show off their recently discovered jazz-fusion influences. Show starts at 9 sharp and is over by 11:30 p.m., so better get it together, people!

Friday night, Dec. 10, sees the return of one of avant-garde jazz music's greatest composers, bassist William Parker. Parker has played with such heavyweights as John Zorn, Eugene Chadbourne, Springheel Jack, Cecil Taylor, Don Cherry, Milford Graves and Derek Bailey. If Parker's bass duet with Peter Kowald at Victoriaville a couple of years back is any indication, this promises to be a real treat. The show is at la Sala Rossa, with Hamid Drake and Fred Anderson filling out the bill.

Saturday is the Kelp showcase at the Barfly. The eclectic record label is headed up by Jon Bartlett of the band Greenfield Main, whose inclusion on the bill make this show a no-brainer. Gone are the yee-haw comedy antics of the band's earlier years as they put their hearts on the line with some true-blue country. Along for the ride are label-mates Poorfolk and Detective Kalita.

One of the more interesting shows this week is the Empire day/night happening at Sala Rosa on Sunday. Andy Warhol's greatest waste of film ever, Empire is a single, static take of the Empire State Building - a dizzying nine hours long. Apparently, around the fifth hour, a bird actually flies by, so people with heart conditions should be warned. Making this film almost watchable will be musical accompaniment from the Donald Trump of indie rock Mauro "You're fired!" Pezzente, godspeed!'s Bruce Cawdron, Crackpot, Fluffy Erskine and other assorted Concordia art-school dropouts. Show starts at 4 p.m. and ends at 1 a.m., and is free with a donation. Fans of Warhol's Empire should also keep their eyes peeled for other non-action films like ATM Machine, Stained Discarded Futon in Back Alley and Brick Wall. If anybody has actually made it through the entire ass-numbing nine hours of this film, for God's sake don't spoil it by telling me how it ends.

Is the Montreal music scene all that and a bag of chips, now that the eyes of the world are on us, or is it the same it's always been? Are the wrong bands getting all the attention? Sound off, scenesters. jonathan.cummins@gmail.com

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