M I'm calling about the Rah Digga concert and the fact that you guys wrote an article about how she's the queen of hip hop. I get my ass out to the show - by the way, note to self: don't ever go to a hip hop show at an afterhours club - and we had to wait until almost six in the morning before she even came out and she didn't even do a fucking song! She just sat there, waving her arms and saying, "What's up? What's up, Montreal?" with her DJ. What a disgrace. I went up and personally BOOED her, right to her face, because I was the only one actually paying attention, among all the Ecstasy trippy heads, dancing around high on fucking E. What a joke. [BLEEP!]

M Man, James Brown was good. That was a hell of a concert. It made me wanna lean back and kiss myself. YOW! Damn that old man can move! [BLEEP!]

M You know what? Fuck New York. Fuck all these losers who try to use the fact that they're from New York as if it's some kind of status. New York was cool in the past and it sucks now. It's bullshit. As for all that rap that you guys think is cool, these guys are slaves to record labels. They haven't gone anywhere. If you wanna listen to real hip hop, listen to Dead Prez. All these FAKE THUG R&B faggots, they're slaving on to the goddamn commercial capitalist system. And fuck you telling me you're from New York like that's gotta be something cool. [BLEEP!]

M My rant is about that person who says that hip hop is from New York. I'm sorry, but she's right. But my point of view is that hip hop should have stayed in the U.S.A., along with McDonald's and KFC. Hip hop is American culture that we don't need here in Canada. All right? Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F For people who think Little Burgundy and Pointe St-Charles is a GHETTO, you've obviously never been to my neighbourhood, Verdun on 3rd Avenue, where we have prostitutes, crack heads, bitch hos, murderers, rapists - you name it - all in one block. [BLEEP!]

M This rant goes out to the guy who said that Pointe St-Charles is a ghetto. Pointe St-Charles is the last bastion of hard-drinking, hard-hitting Irish working class, my friend. As a matter of fact, any ghetto gang-banging types show up here, they leave in a BOX. So get your facts straight - the Pointe ain't no ghetto, baby. [BLEEP!]

M Ghetto is fucking Verdun and Ville-Émard and Côte St-Paul and the Pointe and Burgundy and St-Henri and Roxboro down by the avenues and Walkley, St-Charles in Pierrefonds, Côte-des-Neiges, Ville St-Laurent and the apartments by the 40 and Alexis-Nihon and Elmhurst Street in NDG and Park-Ex - the whole freakin' thing - and Benny and Sherbrooke. That's fucking ghetto, man. Prud'homme and Décarie and Rosemont and the Côte-Vertu metro and every fucking Wal-Mart everywhere is ghetto. That's ghetto. What the fuck are they talking about? [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I'm an ex-Montrealer, born and raised, and I was just reading the Mirror online. I just wanna tell all you Montrealers, you don't know what you have until it's gone. Fuck, you could wake up one day and be in a TORONTO SUBURB. Enjoy it. [BLEEP!]

M I'm calling about all the debate about where the ghetto actually is in Montreal. All I could tell you is that there's only one true ghetto in Montreal and that's the Ghetto Nuns, bitch. They're fucking back in action! Friday, December 10, Club One. Prepare for the complete annihilation of rap music! What else did I wanna say? Oh yeah, open challenge to all the other bands in this city with "ghetto" in their name who would like to lay claim to it, we will battle you onstage - a musical battle. This goes out to Ghetto Pony and all the other ghettos out there. Ghetto Nuns, goddammit! [BLEEP!]

F This rant is in response to the ignoramus fuck Jason Nightmare's little redneck hillbilly bullshit tirade from a few weeks ago. First of all, you troglodyte, a homosexual cannot assimilate a heterosexual, as much as they may want to. It's not a choice we have as individuals. And most educated, open-minded people would be proud that Quebec is as accepting and multi-cultural as it is rather than being critical of this fact, you embarrassment to humanity. Secondly, some people - women especially - do go to clubs just to dance and not to get groped and harassed by menacing, disgusting HALFWIT IMBECILES like yourself. And, finally, your problem with DJs obviously stems from some childhood incident that has left you in a state of deep-rooted self loathing which you feel the need to direct at other people. Dude, honestly, what did your mother do to you? Rise above it and don't be such a philistine oblivious fuck. It's not at all appealing and it's unbelievably pathetic. Read a book, watch a foreign film, do something to expand your horizons, man, because you are a fucking mess. Peace. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum