M [w/American accent] This is for that feminist idiot calling about how she hates Lloyd Banks. Well, check it, I'm not calling to big up Lloyd Banks or to defend him, but to respond to what she said about hip hop in Montreal having a whole different kind of existence than anywhere else in North America. Listen, hip hop is from New York, okay? Bling bling has been a part of hip hop since the days of fucking Grandmaster Flash and all the cats walkin' with BIG ASS ROPE CHAINS. Before you talk about hip hop, remember, you're from Montreal, okay? You're not from New York. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Rant Line™. I just wanted to say that the NBA is ghetto. The players are ghetto. Hip hop is ghetto. Montreal has no ghetto. [BLEEP!]

M Check it out. I'm a fucking commercial sell-out because two weeks ago I mentioned Lloyd Banks and a long list of people who came to Montreal - including Masta Ace and Nas? What the fuck? I was there, you weren't. All these cats talking about commercial sell-outs, you don't know shit about hip hop. Just because you don't like a certain rapper, don't mean the guy is whack. You probably listen to Atmosphere and Slug for all I know and that shit is garbage. That's fucking COFFEE-SHOP HIP HOP. You probably don't even know who Rakim is or who Kool G Rap is. You see what I'm saying? You need to shut the fuck up. Word. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, Rant Line™. This is Cameron. I need to get this in print because I've got a message for all the player-hating bouncers in Montreal bars and night clubs who refuse to let me in the party just because of my basketball and football jerseys. I'm talking about establishments that clearly have NO DRESS CODE where dudes are wearing rags and old running shoes. I'm rocking some of the hottest gear in this city! The girls are feeling my style. You wanna play hip hop and R&B music in the club and you won't allow us to represent the culture just because we're copping all the girls rocking that type of gear. Understand this - 'ballers like me are the people spending money at the bar and the type of hot boys the girls come out to meet and hook up with. So some things will never change. Fuck all you haters. Long live hip hop. Long live throwback jerseys and baseball caps. I'm out. [BLEEP!]

M I'm calling to bitch about all of those hip hop groups out there who claim to be trying to make some social change while continuing to use derogatory slang to dis their political targets. If you wanna create some positive change, you should probably lead by example and stop perpetuating this hate. I mean, think about how a 14-year-old kid's gonna react when he hears his role model calling people faggots, niggers and retards. Is that the kind of change you want? If George W. was really a gay African American with an intellectual disability, he'd be a fucking Democrat. [BLEEP!]

M Shimmy shimmy ya/Shimmy yam, shimmy yay. Rest in peace, Ol' Dirty Bastard. My condolences and sympathies to his friends and family - including his 13 children. [deep sigh] Oh well. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, what's up? I just got back from the Marilyn Manson concert and I'd just like to say that people with LONG HAIR shouldn't go in the mosh pit. Number one, it's fucking nasty, everybody's all sweaty, it gets stuck to you. And number two, it can't be very good for the person with the long hair when they're falling and it gets pulled. So cut your fucking hair if you're gonna go in the mosh pit! [BLEEP!]

M This is for that person last week who was going on about goddamn goths and saying that goth originally came from Venom. I'm not even a goth and even I know that's not true. The goth MOVEMENT came from the 1981 album by Siouxsie and the Banshees called Juju. That's when the term was first coined. That's the truth and if you don't like it, then go screw yourself. [BLEEP!]

F This is for that girl who's sad about Come As You Are. Well, stuff is still available online. I ordered a G-Spot vibrator from there and they sent it to me in, like, two days. So your girlfriend can have a butt plug early next week! Bye. [BLEEP!]

F I just wanna know where a good-looking young lesbian can find other lesbians to congregate with. Are there no bars or clubs for lesbians anymore? [BLEEP!]

M I was eating breakfast and reading the Rant Line™ and I saw the post by the old lady from Warshaw's - I'm the guy with the LETTER W. And now I'm just walking in front of Pharmaprix and it looks all stupid and I was remembering what Warshaw's looked like and I feel bad that I have the W and I want it to be with the rest of the letters at the museum. So you can contact me at imsorrywarshawlady@hotmail.com. Anyway, I'm sorry, everybody. Goodbye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum