M What's up with all of these hip hop heads, bragging about jewellery and acting like they're keeping it real? If they knew anything about what's going on in AFRICA and how many Africans die to dig those DIAMONDS up out the ground, I'm sure they wouldn't be rocking that shit. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is to all the people who complain that we don't have enough hip hop shows in Montreal. Yo, shit is changing. If you look, we got Lloyd Banks came down a while ago, Nas is coming December 12, Royce Da 5'9" on November 17, Masta Ace in February. Montreal is slowly picking up the pace. It's true, for a while shit was desolate, you had no shows poppin' off. So I encourage all the promoters in Montreal, if you've got money, don't be afraid, man, bring the artists down, promote the show properly and build a scene. Or else you can go back home and cry about how there's nothing in this city. A'ight? Because it's what you make it. One. [BLEEP!]

F I just wanna say that the bouncer at Foufs who wears the TUQUE all the time is fucking hot and I really want him. [BLEEP!]

F Ah, booking agents, booking agents. If only they weren't so picky. See, the problem with a lot of the booking agents is they won't book you if you don't fit the image of the club. Which is bullshit because there are a lot of places where you could be getting a good turnout. The one place that isn't really like that is Club One - which used to be Club Zone, but now you drop the Z. Despite the fact that it's a shitty little hole and that nobody really goes there unless there's mad promo for a specific night, they let anybody play there and just about any music band in Montreal has probably played there. So, big up Club One, because they give us all a chance. [BLEEP!]

F Holy shit, it's true. There is nowhere to dance anymore, it's so annoying. That's the only reason I used to go out to clubs. And now it sucks because people just stand there and look at you, all dirty. The only other option is to go to a DIVE BAR, which is so much better but you still can't dance at a dive bar. Maybe you could? Maybe we should just take over the Bifteck as a dance floor - uh, maybe not the Bifteck, maybe more the Miami or the Cock and Bull. Maybe the dive bar could be the new dance floor! As for goths, they always have attitude. They are the bitchiest people on earth. I know - I used to be one. [BLEEP!]

F Yes, this is to the guy who wants to get rid of his BIG GIANT W. Nobody wants a big useless W - except maybe the U.S electorate. [BLEEP!]

F [Older than usual] Hello, this is Mrs. Levy from Warshaw's. I'm calling because my son told me he read in the Rant Line™ that someone is trying to sell the letter W from the old Warshaw's sign. This fills my heart with SADNESS. When we were closing down and removing the sign two years ago, two young students came up to me and asked if they could have the letters. They said they were going to open up a museum in Old Montreal, and they would like the public to see these letters as a reminder of the GREAT TIMES they had going to Warshaw's. "How much will you charge," they asked. I said, "You are students, I will not charge one penny!" I felt sorry for them and wanted to help them make something of their lives. And I thought it would be nice for the letters to be in a museum - we were open for 68 years! They even signed a letter saying they would never sell the letters. Then afterwards, when the McCord Museum called me, looking for a souvenir from Warshaw's, I told them the only thing left had been the letters and I had given them to two nice young students. And now I hear someone is trying to sell the W! This is so sad, so very sad. Please, if someone does have the letter W and it is no longer in a museum, please contact us and we will get it to the McCord. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I'm calling for the guy who's complaining that someone stole his $25 bicycle. I have your bike. Now, if you want it back, we could do a RANSOM of $30 - just don't get the police involved. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F So it took me six months to convince my girlfriend to get a BUTT PLUG and then I take the hike up St-Laurent to Come As You Are only to find that it's now closed. I wept all the way home. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I just called to say that I saw this ad for CTV and it turns out on Thursdays, they show The OC, CSI, and ER and I'm kinda HIGH but I'm pretty sure that that almost spells scissors. So let's cut that shit out. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum