Dear Sasha: What's your take on the division of sex toys when a relationship ends? My ex-girlfriend and I acquired some super fine dildos and goods while together, and have reached the "what's mine is no longer yours" divide. Any suggestions on how to decide who keeps what? And, assuming you don't think it's tacky to then share these toys with future play partners, what's your advice on how best to clean silicone goods really well? » Toys Aren't Us Anymore

Dear Toys,
This process obviously depends on how the relationship ended (sometimes a meat cleaver is in order), but if things wrapped up nicely, or there is potential for courtesy when feathers have smoothed, it seems appropriate to be civilized about the division of intimate goods. Split up toys based on who got the most bang out of what, and with deadlocks, pull names out of a hat.

As for using them with new lovers, I would discuss that with them. I used to think it was vulgar to share leftover toys, until I started recognizing the value of really good ones and buying them myself, and also dispensed with the attitude where I believed all things from all relationships must remain separate or chaos would ensue. I also realized that there were many things in my life that had seen prior familiarity - for example, I have several pairs of shoes that have been in some very chummy places - and I still have them, and they are still very much appreciated by all, no questions asked.

Cleaning silicone toys is a cinch: you can boil them or throw them in the dishwasher. You'll also find some more detailed instructions at www.sexuality.org/sextoys.html. It never hurts to go through the toy box, too - wipe it down and freshen it up with some natural room spray, ziplock each toy, and make it look tidy and inviting for the next caller.

When it comes to bringing the vibes known as good to your next relationship, Feng Shui expert Helen Williamson sees things a bit differently. "Like bedding from a previous relationship, if you want to be very clear energetically, get new toys for the next relationship." I asked her the best place to keep toys to invite positive new encounters, from a Feng Shui perspective. "When you are in a relationship, practicality would dictate that the toys be kept in a drawer or container near the bed," she replied. "When you are waiting for a new lover to come into your life, buy a new toy or two, keeping in mind all the qualities you seek in a partner, then place them in a beautiful box or container in the ‘relationships' zone of your room if practical. That would be the right corner opposite the door."

Dear Sasha: I'm a bisexual woman who's been single for a bit and am now looking for some action - some fun, uncomplicated sex - but I'm not at all ready to begin thinking in terms of relationships. I've begun placing and looking at online profiles, and have started to receive replies, mainly from men. The weird thing is that I find myself too nervous to reply, even though this should be an ideal scenario given what I'm looking for. I think it's because, though I'm into sex with both women and men, almost all of my serious relationships have been with women. I almost feel like a fake on the bi front. That, coupled with some nervousness about physical safety when meeting up with men I haven't actually met, is keeping me from responding to even the most interesting of the guys who've written me. » Not-so-nervy (online) Newbie

Dear Not,
We all wrestle with the expectations (both self-imposed and cultural) of our prevalent or assumed sexual persona, yet we are all so much more than we seem. That applies to the men you'll be sleeping with too. Keep that in mind when you feel the less obvious parts of yourself are fraudulent. Many people are online exploring their different sides.

If and when you decide to meet up with your online suitors, there is a list of common safety suggestions that is often referred to, which you can find here: http://psychcentral.com/ online_dating/safety.html). If your precautions are met with peevishness on the part of the guy, forget him. If he's a decent fellow, he'll know why you require some forethought. Don't leave your intuition and common sense behind just because you're horny, but also remember to use it if you feel a good connection with someone.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
465 McGill Street, 3rd floor, Montreal, Quebec, H2Y 4B4
Fax: 393-3173
e-mail: pouledeluxe@yahoo.com