by GABRIEL MORENCY

There's something not quite right in this great land of ours. And I'm not talking about the new twenties adorned with a less-than-youthful-looking Queen Elizabeth.

You don't have to know who the coach of the Calgary Flames is to notice that they and every other National Hockey League club have been locked out for more than a month now. While the league's owners claim that they will lose less money by not playing under the agreement that existed, the same can't be said for thousands of others whose pockets will be hit harder than a Sheldon Souray one-timer. Ticket-takers, scalpers, taxi drivers, strippers - they're all just the tip of the soon-to-be-melted iceberg when it comes to the financial havoc that would result from a lost season. When it's all said and done, the only ones who will be smiling this winter are the Canadian chapters of Gamblers Anonymous.

Sports lotteries and online wagering sites will be among the hardest hit of all. An entire season without pucks will cost our provincial governments over $75-million in lost profits on its sports lotteries. A fact that wasn't lost on Loto-Québec, who, to the delight of deprived gamblers, added Quebec Major Junior Hockey games to its betting programs. That is, before concerned advocacy groups determined that they could probably find better ways of generating revenue than accepting bets on games played between 16-year-old kids. Well, at least no one will be able to say that our government neglects amateur sport in this province!

Online betting sites, which offer wagering on everything from Premiere League soccer to U.S. presidential elections, are losing upwards of $30,000 a night without National Hockey League games being played. While not very many are shedding tears for José Théodore and his lost income of $67,000-plus a game, or the blood-sucking corporations that relish taking the last dollar out of your pocket, the damage won't end there. What about the corner bookie who, aside from Sunday and Monday's NFL football action, is now lonelier than David Samson was the night of his high school prom? Think about the thousands of bettors who risk their hard-earned money on meaningless regular season hockey games, hoping to hit the elusive six-team parlay and bring a little joy into their otherwise excitement-less lives. What are they going to spend their money on now? Food? Clothes? Their families? Oh, the humanity of it all! We told you Gamblers Anonymous would be smiling.

Poker crazed

Before the good people at GA hold any victory parades down Sin Free Street, however, they should turn their TVs on to catch a glimpse of North America's latest craze. And no, were not talking about Lindsay Lohan.

Normally, when they say "Hold 'em" in Texas, they're strapping someone into an electric chair - not playing poker on national television. Texas Hold 'em has become America's new favourite pastime, as networks get huge numbers with all the production costs of putting a couple of cameras in a freaking casino. Evidently, the only thing more popular than watching everyday stiffs stress out for a million-dollar pot is watching celebrities stress out for a million-dollar pot. Initially meant to serve as program filler for sports stations desperate for programming, poker has not only filled space but has had higher numbers than those of many "mainstream" sports. Including the NHL.

Next up: Scrabble

If Texas Hold 'em isn't for you, maybe you'd like to try your hand at Scrabble, as the self-professed "world-wide leader" (ESPN) will broadcast the World Scrabble championships sometime this fall. Just watch what you say, as U.S. national Scrabble champion Trey Wright was eliminated for using the word "lez" during a competition in New Orleans!

Shut up!

While it's debatable who will win the World Series, there's no debating that the games themselves start too late and take too long for anyone other than Peter Gammons to care. Throw in Tim McCarver explaining that a pitcher uses his hand to throw a baseball to home plate because that's the "best" way to do it and you've got the entertainment value of a Yanni concert.

Football Prognosticator

Saturday, Oct. 23
Ottawa (+14) at Montreal: Montreal
Sunday, Oct. 24
San Diego (+3) at Carolina: Carolina
New York Jets (+7) at New England: New York
Buffalo (+6.5) at Baltimore: Buffalo
Winnipeg (–7) at Edmonton: Edmonton
Monday, Oct. 25
Denver (–6.5) at Cincinnati: Cincinnati
Season record to date: 9-5

Sports Rage with Gabriel Morency is vented weeknights 11 p.m.-2 a.m. on TEAM 990 AM. This column appears bi-weekly. Comments: sportsrage@team990.com