M To all those singers and musicians who RUIN FORESTS to put their posters up on lampposts that nobody ever reads anyway, I say make your little soirées, I won't go. I don't give a shit for artists who don't care about their environment - be it trees or city streets. That includes Chango Family, Groovy Ardvark, Girl Nobody et al. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I'm at the Kool Keith show and it's bullshit, man. They've been keeping us here for five hours and now something is not functioning onstage and people are booing and it's bullshit. Thirty-two bucks and no Kool Keith… [drowned out by yelling in the background] [BLEEP!]

F Shame on you Mirror. Jonas Tomalty has been working his ass off for the past eight years and he just launched his solo album and I just went through your magazine and nothing. Not a word! Shame on you, Mirror! [BLEEP!]

M Gangster Politics, there's a name I haven't heard in a while. But if you want to talk about the original line-up, you've got to include Mike on keyboards. When they played the TALENT SHOW at my high school, they had that fella. And they had Morgan on bass. They were playing tight, original songs when they were 17. I won't mention the high school - a private school - cuz it might embarrass them. But let's hope they get back together. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M I was at the Blue Dog this weekend with some of my girlfriends and the DJ was playing some wicked tracks but nobody was getting down on the dance floor. So me and my friends decided to bite the bullet and start dancing - despite the rather DESPERATE LIGHTING SITUATION in that place. But after we'd danced to three songs and the dance floor was filling up, how does the DJ repay the enthusiastic dancers? He decides to put on some whack "Bitch, take off your clothes" song and then he goes straight into the "Burn the chi chi man beat down them batty man" song. It's already intimidating enough being the lone homo in a room full of straight people without having everyone sing in unison about burning gay people alive! Let's kill that shit, it's so done. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Rant Line™. It's your good old friend, Papa Joe. I hope everybody's doing all right. Last night on the news they were talking about pot and how it's so potent now that it causes psychosis. That has to be the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life. I mean, I can barely get up off the COUCH to switch video games when I'm stoned. I mean, how is this supposed to cause psychosis? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. I think it's just anti-pot propaganda. They're trying to smash the only good normal drug out there. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, what's up? Don't you get a kick out of watching PHARMACEUTICAL commercials that spend more time on the disclaimers than they do on the actual healing properties? [BLEEP!]

M I agree with that bass-loving chick: if you're going to pound on my wall every night when you hear a bit of bass, you'd better not wake me up at 9 a.m. with your fuckin' Linkin Park Top 40 bullshit! [BLEEP!]

F This is for the guy who says he respects women to the highest degree but can't find the ones who want him because they only want the backward-hat, gold-chain, baggy pants, I-can-see-the-crack-of-your ass rapper loser. I just wanna say the women you're looking for are busy WORKING and PAYING BILLS. Do you really wanna find us? Look elsewhere. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is the OG local bartender. Lots of blowback from the rant. But listen, I don't work at Blue Dog or Blizzarts and actually, a 50-cent tip is fairly acceptable on the price of a beer. I wouldn't thumb my nose at it. And I don't make a week-and-a-half salary in one night - I work at a student bar and I understand that things are tight all over. But it's when people have absolutely no regard when it becomes a problem. And to that ranter, yeah, it would be nice if you came in wearing a bowler hat. I'd have a good laugh, the way I did when I read your rant. Short of that, I do have people who read me POEMS from over the counter and it's NOT appreciated. And I don't need a sandwich, man, I just need you to act like civilized human beings and treat any place you go the same way you treat your own living rooms. Hell, I wouldn't even worry about tips if it were all that. [BLEEP!]

M To all those bartenders ranting about not making enough tips and having to clean up puke and ashtrays: just try being a COOK. You don't get tips at all, you still don't make any money and you're working in a kitchen that's 40 degrees with service, customers and chefs all yelling at you! Yo, what are we supposed to do?! You guys have lucrative jobs and you should be happy with them. I don't care if people go puking on your shoes, it's easier than being a cook!! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum