M I just want to say shame on the mainstream Montreal media for not at least mentioning the big concert by the Wailers last week. First off, there was no kind of political statement at the show. Nothing about killing this and killing that. Just ONE LOVE. And we all know where it came from, we didn't have to make any statement about it. I say one love to the people at Concordia and the Concordia Student Union. The Montreal mainstream media should take note that reggae music is here to stay. Roots-rock reggae will never go away. We love reggae! One love! [BLEEP!]

M I've noticed there's been a lot of talk and hype about this band Jaded. Though there have been positive things said about them, there has been just as much negative. Personally, I've been to a couple of their shows, heard their songs and I think they're great. But it seems that for every person who likes them there is someone who doesn't. I think it's envy. It's because they have a NEGATIVE PERSONAL VENDETTA. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, a very happy Bily Kun here. Stan our OSTRICH HEAD is back in perfect shape and in a very good mood indeed! We'd like to thank the gentlemen thieves for taking Stan on a well-needed SIGHTSEEING TOUR and above all for bringing him back. We love you for it! In fact, we'd like to become friends with you. Sans rancune! Absinthe - one, maybe two, but definitely not three - on the house. This one goes to show that the Rant Line™ works. Thank you all very much. There's still hope for this world of ours. [Ed's note: For complete details and photos of this startling story, please refer to La Presse]. [BLEEP!]

M This for the guy who thought he found the CUIR DIMITRI sign. I just want to tell you that a week ago I was walking home drunk and I found the sign and now it's in my room. So unless you've got 500 bucks to spare you can go back to your choir and cry 'cuz you ain't getting this baby back. [BLEEP!]

M Local bartender here, looking to spread the word to some of the new young arrivals to this city and to a few old seasoned pros who are getting so plowed that they can't think straight anymore. I've got THREE BEEFS. Number one: tipping. Tipping is not included in any bar, with any bartender, male or female. Taxes are paid on tips and if bartenders are declaring their tips then you're screwing them by not leaving one. Next, gum and ashtrays. If you're chewing gum and you don't want to swallow it, wrap it in some paper before you put it in an ashtray, so I don't have to get my fingers sticky cleaning up your gum. I know you're tipping me, so maybe I have to do this to earn my tip, but gum and lemons, don't leave them in the ashtrays unless they're wrapped up in something. Thirdly, VOMIT. Keep it where it belongs. Get out of the bar before you hurl so I don't have to go cleaning under the table where you puked at the end of the night. [BLEEP!]

F McDonald's. I'm lovin' it. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to that guy who said that anybody who needs weapons or their friends to settle a fight is a coward. I'd like to say that if he ever tries to fight me I'll get my friends to shoot him in the face. Fuck him, he's a pussy. [BLEEP!]

M I think everyone should know that if you want to keep negativity out of your life, if you want to keep negative vibes from existing in the universe, then when you go to bed at night, if you have any MIRRORS facing your bed, cover those mirrors while you're sleeping. Especially the ones in your bedroom. Cover them, turn them around, do something to them, because you don't want negative vibes - or ENTITIES - coming in through your mirror at night. Because that's what they do. And they're causing a lot of shit right now. So let's all try to help make the world a more peaceful place. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the woman who says that by men not taking off their hats they are disrespecting women. Well, I've got to agree with you about men not respecting women but, on the other hand, I don't find enough women who respect the men who respect them. I try and respect women everywhere to the highest degree, but find they'd rather be around some backwards-hat-wearing, gold-chained, baggy-pants-I-can-see-the-crack-of-your-ass-when-you're-walking, rapper loser. Rather than someone who respects them and shows them the kind of respect that they ask for and deserve. So if you know where all these women are, who deserve and want respect, please let us all know. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the chick who was talking about her fedora hat and it being a sign of respect and to take it off and shit. A hat is like a goddamned hairstyle, ma'am, you never take it off. Fuck. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum